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A Woman Who Can
When I first heard about YouthBuild St. Louis/Soulard, I thought it was a great idea, but I wasn't sure that I was good enough to make it. While I was in high school, I went through a great depression when I found out that I was pregnant. I didn't eat like I should, stayed home, and barely talked to people. I remember my cousin Candice saying to me at the time, "You're pregnant; what in life can you do now?" I couldn't answer her; I didn't know what to say.
Even though I sensed that YouthBuild was a great opportunity was unsure that I had what it took to do it. Family and peers had frequently told me negative things about me and had me thinking that I couldn't succeed in life. One thing I heard that hurt was the following: "You ran around with that boy and now you are pregnant; you are just a no-good 'heffa.'" After awhile, I believed them, and I thought that I couldn't succeed.
It was with this negative self-image that was introduced to YouthBuild. What I found there were people and programs that could help me plan and achieve my goals. I came to see YouthBuild as a chance to go and do what I needed to do to make my life successful. I wanted to become a cosmetologist and a Licensed Practical Nurse; YouthBuild has helped me to achieve those goals. YouthBuild has taught me skills in math, English and reading that will assist me to reach my goals. I turned to YouthBuild at a time when I wanted a new way of looking at myself and at life; I wanted to become someone.
I was sitting on my front porch one day and I had a slight daydream, and this how it went. I had my own beauty salon and all my clients were my family and friends from high school. But in some strange way it wasn't me -- it was another person that looked like me. Then I awaken. I say to myself: "if that person can do my dream in another lifetime, I can do it too!
In YouthBuild I found that environment, and I've bloomed. I came with those negative self doubts, but once I gave it a try, the job wasn't as hard as I thought it was. The YouthBuild environment made me feel more settled and at ease. I found out that rehabbing apartments in the Soulard area was like building a new neighborhood -- the work was difficult, but it was worth it when I remembered it was just a wall I was tuck-pointing, but rather a neighborhood I was reconstructing. I was on Geyer and Mississippi, rehabbing an old four-family flat into a two- bedroom town house. There I realized that it was just a wall.
With confidence I can say today that I can do whatever my mind and soul desire. When I realized that anything's possible, I began to make changes in my life. I started dating better guys, men respect me more today than in the past. I also began to do my hair in different styles; and I dress a lot differently now than then. I'm always happy, especially when I'm with my daughter and two stepchildren; I really beam with happiness. The life I live today is like riding on top of a white fluffy cloud; confidence is something that really makes me extremely happy.
If I were asked to share my experience with someone who's considering on attending YouthBuild, I would say that I have the utmost respect for this program because it gave me the opportunity to change my life. Today I ask myself this question, "What could I have cheated myself out of if I hadn't learned that I can do whatever I set my mind to?" This is a great program, if I can do it, with all the negative thoughts and words that I always heard then anyone else can too!
The author is a young black attractive, intelligent female, who rebuilt her confidence and stability while she rebuilt old buildings.
